mockery of marriage

Marriage is a human relationship in which there is no comparison! Marriage is hard or difficult because it is a union between two broken and inherently selfish people. However, both human beings have “until death do they part” to work on their wrinkles, idiosyncrasies and rough spots. In former days, many people -  non-Christian and Christian – alike found out about the realities of marriage yet they stayed together; they continued to honor their sacred vows. Many of these couples stayed together for the benefit of others.  “Others” included children and grandchildren and “others” also included those who looked on from near and far.  Many of these couples weathered the storms because they realized that the virtues of love and patience must be nurtured.  These couples did not easily throw in the towel when the going got tough. With the demise of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humprhies’ marriage after a whopping 72 days and the demise of Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s marriage after 14 months simply makes a mockery of marriage.  In the words of Marvin Gaye’s famous song, ‘what is going on?’ The unwillingness for these couples to stick with marriage perhaps reveals that young couples have not been trained how to endure hardships and/or maybe it exposes our country’s lack of respect for this enduring and long-established institution?  Maybe the disposability of marriage is connected to the radical individualism of our day?

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 23 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

our lives are a tapestry

Edith Schaeffer (beloved wife of the late Dr. Francis Schaeffer) wrote something like “our lives are a tapestry.”  I think she meant that our lives or stories are interconnected or intertwined.  I experienced the truthfulness of this phrase today.  I taught a young man who used to walk but is now confined to a motorized wheel chair.  He suffers from a disease similar to Lou Gehrig’s disease.  But he is not looking for any pity.  He is not bitter and was an exemplary student and never complained.  On Saturday, January 22, 2011, I attended his soccer game at a local community college.  His teammates have a ‘grill’ affixed to their wheel chairs and they maneuver or whirl these chairs to hit or advance the ball with this grill.  It is quite impressive.  Don’t be fooled these men and ladies are quite competitive and aggressive.  This former student scored the winning and only goal of the game.  When I first met him last semester, I thought his last name sounded familiar and today I knew why.  I used to work with his dad at McDonnell Douglas Laser Systems (St. Louis, MO) years ago.  This young man introduced me to his dad after the game and we reminisced about our time together at McDonnell.  That is proof positive that our lives truly are a tapestry.

‘whole thing is fishy’

The ‘whole thing is fishy’ describes well my reaction when I talk about a certain topic: athletes or people with money and how the courts or justice handles or resolves their cases.  I must say at the beginning that I talked to two neighbors – one a senior in high school and his brother, a freshman in high school; so this post is inspired from my individual conversations with each boy.  I am going to call the older boy “Tom” and the younger son, “Justice.”   (Both young men are white; and I am African American of course.  They like me and I love speaking with them.)  My conversation with  Justice went like this when I was washing my wife’s car today.  “Hey, Mr. Bobo, I saw your post on Facebook about Michael Vick getting prison time and Ben Roethlisberger getting a slap on the wrist.”  Justice went on to say this, “Yeah, Leonard Little (a St. Louis Rams’ football player) got off for drunken driving and killing a person.  And Donte Stallworth did not get prison time either.”  “Wow”, I said.  I told Justice, “young man you have a real sense of something is terribly wrong.  You might be a lawyer some day.”  Justice pipes up, “That’s what my dad says.”  A few minutes later I see the older boy, “Tom” and he is on his way to cut grass (he has a great work ethic).   He has his iPod ear plugs (or bugs) in; so, I wave him down because he is huge Ben Roethlisberger fan.  So huge that he and his dad drove to Pittsburgh for his birthday to see Big Ben play (several years ago.)  I ask Tom, what do you think about Ben; are you still behind him?  Tom replies, “No, I still love the Steelers but I don’t agree with what Ben did.”  Then I ask, “What about Vick getting prison time and Ben getting what appears to be a slap on the wrist.”  Tom replies, “Well, Ben was not convicted or charges were not filed.”  Tom continues, “if you ask me, the whole thing is fishy.”  I agree.  Several questions come to mind: 1) why didn’t these two ladies that Ben allegedly sexually assaulted press charges or why didn’t these incidents become an actual court case? 2) why did Donte and Leonard not serve any time in prison – after all human beings died?  Did their money help? and 3) Ben, Leonard and Donte harmed or killed human beings but were not punished – or their punishment did not fit their crime but Vick participates in dog fighting and gets prison time.  What’s going on?  Confusing to say the least.  I will say this – as Christians we need to a) talk about such things with our kids; b) encourage our kids to enter fields such as sports and law to bring reform; and c) Christians need to enter the public square and address such things by writing newspapers, congressmen or women, professional team presidents/CEOs, etc.

cross-ethnic & cross-racial families

Most people would agree that the family context is vitally important for a child’s spiritual, emotional, moral, relational, and social development.  The Greeks coined a term eudaimonia which means well-being.  The family fosters the well-being or the flourishing of children.  And society benefits from children who are raised in the family context – a child’s first social and educational environment.  It’s in the family that children learn gender roles, conflict resolution, emotional management skills and what it means to be a community member.  If this is true, and I believe it is, why the fuss on white couples adopting black kids or white families adopting Asian kids or why the fuss over cross ethnic and cross racial adoptions?  I can think of a couple of reasons.  One, whites might be accused of acting like the ”messiah.”  Some have said the white messiah complex is portrayed in the film, “The Blind Side.”  A rich white couple ‘rescues’ a homeless black boy from the streets.  Second, Americans still have hang ups with race and ethnicity.  For example, blacks would argue that whites have no business raising black kids – because their cultures are polar opposite among other things.  It is odd for many Americans to see cross-ethnic and cross-racial adoptions because it does not fit our worldviews.  Generally, we don’t have a category for cross-racial and cross-ethnic families.  Do whites consider themselves the ‘savior’ of non-whites?  To be sure, there is some of this going on.  However, one thing the film “Blind Side” taught me was that kids flourish when they are raised in a functional family environment.  This does mean there will not be hiccups along the way but every child deserves and needs to be loved and the family provides that place of nurture.  Don’t we want this for all children? I wonder if there would be so much fuss if non-white couples adopted white kids or Asian kids, etc.?

brother against brother

This morning on KSDK (St. Louis, MO) I heard with amazement that Jay McGwire, Mark McGwire’s brother, has recently published “Mark and Me.”  In short, the book  tells of one brother turning against another.  Or better one brother, Jay, acts as an equal opportunist, and takes advantage of  Mark’s misfortune (or mistake?).  Supposedly the book is about Jay McGwire revealing the ‘family secrets’ of Mark McGwire and Jay using steroids.  It’s one thing for former Oakland A’s teammate Jose Canseco to incriminate Mark but for a blood relative to do it takes the cake. “That’s cold” as one friend put it.  Mark finds his brother’s actions appalling as he as does not want to see him again.  I also find this appalling; is greed driving such actions?  Sadly, a Facebook friend reminded me of this, “It happens. Remember LaToya tried to exploit Michael for her personal gain.”

film is a like a mirror

Watching films on the ‘big screen’ often can be a mirror to the movie goer’s heart and mind.  So, beware.  Several films force you to ask – “do I really believe what I tell others?”  For example, the classic film, Guess Who is Coming to Dinner, forces us to ask, “Do I really consider people of all races, genders, socio-economic statuses, etc. equal?”  In this film, the Draytons have taught their daughter, “Joey”, of such things but when she brings her African-American fiancé home, the dad’s true beliefs are exposed.  He is a bigot.  In the film, Crash, we see our true humanity (the good, the bad, the ugly) exposed on the big screen.  This movie shows us that not only do we treat others based on stereotypes  but we don’t live life in a vacuüm but rather, our actions (and inactions) affect others.  Sometimes this affect is immediate; at other times it is delayed.  The inter-connectivity our of lives is beautifully illustrated by Edith Schaeffer who says that our lives are weaved together as a quilt or tapestry.  Additionally, this film shows us that we are capable of doing virtuous things and also villanous things.  The same cop (Matt Dillion) that molest an African-American woman while his husband helplessly looks on turns out to be her ‘savior’; saving her from an overturned car that eventually explodes.  The ‘good cop’ (Officer Tom Hansen) who is disgusted at this bad cop’s behavior kills Det. Waters’ younger brother because he assumed that he might be reaching for a gun?  Truly, this movie affirms that each human person is truly a real life Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde dual personality!

random thoughts and texting

Random Thoughts

1. Why are we (as Americans) obsessed with fake hair, teeth, eyelashes and breasts?  Are we (men) driving women to do such things?  Is Hollywood driving men and women to spend money on such things?  Are we trying to sequester aging? 
2. My heart aches for the Woods family – especially, for the kids.  And I guess I understand why sponsors are dropping Tiger from their line up to promote their products.  I suppose such indiscretions bring shame on the sponsor’s name and product.  Yet, I wonder do these sponsors realize that every ‘human face’ of their products has hidden crap?  Some are found out (like Tiger); others do well to hide their mess or indiscretions.  Are these sponsors looking for a squeaky clean or perfect person to promote their products?  If so, who exactly fits that bill?  I am in no way trying to condone Tiger’s infidelity because adultery wreaks havoc widely.  But are sponsors (and the public) actually encouraging high-profile people like Tiger (Bill Clinton, Jonathan Edwards, etc.) to commit hypocrisy?  Are we allowing these broken people the freedom to parade their broken-ness in public or do we force broken people to pretend they have it ‘all together’ when they really don’t?

 

Texting and driving

I remember attending a seminar on guarding one’s time at work.  On the top of the list was managing emails because if not managed well, answering and responding to email can consume most of one’s work day.  I recall vividly what the presenter said: “remember the ‘e’ in email does not mean emergency but rather electronic.”  That saying has served me well to this day (although many emailers expect their emails to be treated as an emergency and answered quickly).    Yet, I wonder if texting has a hidden “emergency” associated with it.  Why do I ask?  We (motorists) have been warned of the dangers of texting and driving, however, I see many still texting and driving (including yours truly).  Do we try to return a text while driving because it is like a person to person conversation?  In conversations there is little dead space; rather, two or more people are engaged and exchanging words back and forth.  Is this why we text and drive because it would be awkward and rude not to exchange words back and forth in a person to person conversation?

US presidency and marriage

In the Time, December 7, 2009 issue, Joe Klein writes, “the media are giving Obama grief for just about everything.”  Bingo!  In black and white, Klein communicates what I have been thinking for a while now.  Yet, I refrained to write this post because I did not want some to say, “He is just saying that because he is an African-American and Obama is an African-American.”  Well, those who know me well would hopefully quip, “he is not that shallow.”  In fact, before the election, I told all African-American audience to make sure to be an informed voter; don’t be a sentimental voter.  In other words, I told this group, “it would be irresponsible to vote for Obama just because he is black.”  (Someone later asked, “Is Luke a republican?”  Isn’t that interesting? Just because I encouraged a group of African-Americans to be informed and discerning voters, I was thought to be a republican.  Wow!)   Obama has not been in office a year and he has been criticized relentlessly.  I can’t remember – were former presidents lambasted like this early in their presidency?  Perhaps the media and others should adopt  Klein’s “long term” stance.  Klein writes ”…it is way too early to make pronouncement on Obama’s fate…it is a long game, which will yield results, or not, over time” (p. 29).  I certainly adopt this notion too.  I see it this way - a presidency is like a good marriage; a good marriage does not happen over night but it morphs over the long term.

third string

I learn from many people.  My wife teaches me.  My colleagues and professors teach me.  My students teach me.  My daughter teaches me – she offers me tips on teaching and motivating my college students.  My 15-year old son taught me a lesson recently.   He is a freshman in high school.  The good news is that he made the cut – he’s on the freshmen basketball team.  The bad news is that he is a third stringer.  As a father who has watched his son excel in basketball, football and baseball, it is difficult to see him ‘riding the bench.’  (I rode the bench as a third string freshman high school football player but I deserved it.  I was no athlete.  My heart and head were not in the game.)  The talent on my son’s basketball team is very good at this level.  At his position (guard), the team is very deep.  I believe there are 3 guys ahead of him.  My son will get to start in four “B games” but in the mean time he is keeping player stats, etc.  For me, this would be humiliating and I would probably quit the team.  However, my son said to me, “Dad, it’s okay.  The other guys are better than me.”  Wow.  Now, that is commendable.  While my pride or ego would be wounded, my son’s pride is apparently not wounded because he is okay with his ‘position’ on the team.  What a lesson!  Perhaps, the lesson here is that we need to accept who we are and be okay with that.